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Welcome back to the Self-Love Journaling with God podcast. I am your host, Shonda, and I am so grateful you are joining me here today. This podcast is about more than journaling. It's about doing that heart work with God as we heal and grow and we learn to love ourselves the way that God loves us. One journal page and one prayer at a time. So today, my beauties, we are talking about something that so many of us are quietly carrying, and that is how to protect your peace in those difficult relationships. And let's be honest, difficult relationships can drain you in a way that is hard to explain. You can leave one conversation feeling like you need a nap, a snack, a prayer closet, and possibly a fully emotional reset. And sometimes it is not even a big dramatic argument. Sometimes it is the tone, the attitude, the repeated disrespect, the guilt trips, the silence, the way you have to over explain yourself just to be misunderstood, anyway. And so before you know it, your peace feels like it has been pulled into somebody else's storm. So today we're gonna break it all down. We're gonna talk about it. I just want to remind you of this truth. Protecting your peace is not selfish. This is stewardship. God did not call us to be available for every argument, every accusation, every emotional demand, or every cycle that keeps pulling us away from his truth. Yes, we are called to love people. Yes, we are called to forgive. Yes, we are called to walk in humility, but we are not called to abandon the wisdom that God has for us or ignore our limits or confuse peacekeeping with people pleasing. There is a difference between being loving and being emotionally available for chaos. There is a difference between showing grace and allowing constant access to your heart, and there is a difference between forgiving someone and pretending their behavior does not affect you. So today we are going to talk through how to protect your peace in a way that is faith-rooted, emotionally healthy, and practical. So I want you to just take a deep breath with me, and I want you to relax your shoulders. And as we begin, just whisper this simple prayer in your heart. Lord, teach me how to love others without losing myself. Teach me how to protect the peace you have given me. Amen. So one of the first things I want us to understand is that difficult relationships often reveal where our peace is unprotected. Not because we are weak, because we are too sensitive or are failing spiritually, but because relationships they touch the places where we want to be chosen, we want to be accepted, heard, respected, and loved. And so sometimes those difficult relationships are hard because they bring up those old wounds. Maybe someone's tone or a body language reminds you of a parent who dismissed your feelings, or maybe someone's rejection activates that old fear that you are not enough, or maybe somebody's criticism makes your nervous system feel like you have to defend your whole existence. And so when that happens, it is so easy to move from peace to panic. You may start overexplaining, start replaying the conversation, start trying to fix their mood, and start apologizing for things that were not yours to carry. But here is that gentle, that real truth. Calm is not always peace. Sometimes what we call peace is really avoidance. Sometimes what we call being nice is actually fear. I know I have been there on that one. Sometimes what we call keeping the peace is really abandoning our own voice so nobody gets upset. And I say that with so much love here, my sisters, because many of us learned this very early. We learned how to read the room, how to manage other people's emotions. We learned how to adjust ourselves so we would not be rejected, criticized, or left out. But God's peace, the peace that passes all understanding, is not built on you disappearing. God's peace is not built on you walking on eggshells. His peace is not built on us carrying what he never assigned to us. And so in Philippians 4 7, it says this, and the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. That word keep there is powerful. God's peace guards, God's peace protects, God's peace stands watch over our hearts and mind. But sometimes we keep handling the keys to our peace to people who have shown us they do not know how to handle it carefully. So here is our first journaling pause. So I want you to grab your journal, get your pen, and I want you to write this down here. Where have I been calling it peace when it may actually be fear, avoidance, or people pleasing? And then I want you to ask God this Lord, show me what real peace looks like in this relationship. So I just want you to sit with that for a moment. Because sometimes the first step to protecting your peace is telling the truth, self-transparency about what has been disturbing it. What's been disturbing that peace? Now, the next point is very important here. You can love people without giving them unlimited access. I want to say that again because somebody's heart may need permission today. You can love people without giving them unlimited access. Love does not mean every person gets the same level of closeness. It does not mean every call needs to be answered. It does not mean every message deserves an immediate response. Love does not mean every person gets to speak into your life, your decisions, your healing, your marriage, your parenting, your calling, your business, your body, your future, or your worth. Some people can be loved from a distance. And I'm sure we have some people that we need to love that way. Some people need limited access. Some people need clear boundaries. And some people need your prayers more than they need your constant availability. And that is not bitterness, that is wisdom. That is God's wisdom. Now, in Proverbs 4, 20, the verse 23, it says here, keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. Now that verse does not say leave your heart wide open to everybody and hope for the best. It says, keep your heart, guard your heart, pay attention to what is influencing your inner life. And this is where self-love through God's eyes, something we talk about every week. This is where self-love through God's eyes becomes very practical. Because loving yourself the way God loves you means you stop treating your heart like it is supposed to survive constant emotional bruising. Did you hear that? Constant emotional bruising. So you stop saying, well, that is just how they are, while ignoring what it keeps doing to you. You stop letting guilt talk you out of wisdom. You begin to stop confusing access with honor. Now hear me with love on this, my sisters. Boundaries are not punishments, boundaries are not revenge. Boundaries are not you trying to control another person either. Boundaries are a way of saying, this is what I can carry. This is what I cannot carry. This is how I will respond if this pattern continues. A boundary may sound like this. I want to talk about this, but I cannot continue if we are yelling. I care about you, but I need time to think before responding. I am not available for conversations that turn disrespectful. Sometimes we have to set some boundaries with certain people. Another boundary, I can love you and still need space. And yes, it may feel uncomfortable at first, no doubt. Especially if you are used to being the flexible one, the understanding one, the one who just lets it go. And yes, it will be uncomfortable in the beginning, but practice makes it better. It gets you to a safe place. And you may be the one who carries the emotional mop and bucket after everyone else spills. But sometimes protecting your peace means you stop cleaning up messes you did not create. And listen, I know that can be hard because sometimes we fear the reaction. We fear being misunderstood, we fear being called selfish or we fear the relationship changing. But what if the relationship needs to change so you can stop disappearing inside of it? What if the boundary is not the thing destroying the relationship? What if that boundary is revealing what was already unhealthy? That is something to sit with there because sometimes that is what is holding us back with boundaries, and sometimes it could be revealed information that we need to see when we set a boundary. So let's step into another journaling pause. So I want you to write this prompt in your journal. What access have I been giving out of guilt, out of fear, out of habit or pressure? Think about that. And then I want you to write what boundary would help me protect my heart with wisdom and love. And remember, you do not have to figure out the whole relationship in one journal entry. One honest sentence is a beautiful beginning. One thing I have learned both personally and through the work of healing is that not every relationship issue requires the same response. Some situations need a conversation, some need space, some need some prayer, maybe some counseling, a boundary, forgiveness, a changed expectation. And some need you to stop trying to get understanding from someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. That is where emotional discernment comes in. Discernment asks this: what is happening here? Is this a misunderstanding or a repeated pattern? Discernment helps us to slow down and see what's really going on. Is this person safe to talk to? Do they take responsibility? Do they repair after harm? Do I feel free to be honest? Or do I feel like I have to perform? Am I responding from wisdom or am I reacting from fear? Let's go to the word on this. In Romans 12, 18, it says, if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. I love how honest that verse is. It says, if it be possible, did you hear that? That means peace does not depend on you alone. You can be kind and still not have peace with someone who chooses conflict. You can communicate clearly and still not be understood. You can even apologize for your part and still not be met with maturity. You can show love and still need limits. As much as lieth in you in that scripture, it means do your part. Not their part, your part. Now that is freeing because some of us are exhausted from trying to do both parts, their parts and our parts. We are trying to be the communicator and the interpreter, the forgiver and the fixer, the peacemaker and the emotional manager, the one who brings truth and the one who forces them to receive it. But your job is not to carry the entire relationship by yourself. Your job, our job, is to walk in obedience, wisdom, love, and truth. Their response belongs to them. And I want you to hear this gently, lovingly here. You are not responsible for how someone responds to your healthy boundary. You are responsible for how you communicate it, how you hold it, and how you allow God to guide your heart through it. But their anger, their guilt trip, their silent treatment, their twisting of your words or their refusal to respect it, that is not yours to carry. I know sometimes we are tempted to do so, but that is not yours to carry. So I just want you to take a moment and think about one difficult relationship in your life. Not all of them at once. We are not opening the whole emotional fouling cabinet today. Just one folder. Ask yourself this. What part of this relationship actually belongs to me? That's a good question right there. And then I want you to ask, what have I been carrying that belongs to them? That question can bring a lot of clarity because peace often returns when we stop carrying things God never placed in our hands. Now let's make this very practical. Peace is not only protected by what you say no to, peace is also protected by what you practice daily. Peace is protected through what you practice because difficult relationships can pull your mind into constant replay mode. You know that place where you keep thinking. Why did they say that? What did they mean? Should I have said something different? Are they mad? Did I do too much? Maybe I should text again. My sister. Journaling actually helps uh slow down the swirl, it gives your emotions a safe place to land, and it helps you name what happened without letting the situation take over your whole identity. And when you bring God into this space, your journal becomes more than just a notebook, it becomes a place of surrender, truth, and renewal. So here's a simple practice you can use when a difficult relationship starts disturbing your peace. And what this journaling practice is, I call it peace. It is an acronym. And so we use the word peace as a guide. So let's go with the letter P here. Letter P is for pause before reacting. Before you respond to the message, the tone, that the accusation, or the comment, I want you to take a pause. This is a great way to practice when something initially comes off in a very negative way. And so learn in a pause, take a breath, give yourself a moment. You do not have to respond from the first emotion that shows up. A pause can protect you from saying something out of hurt that your healed self would not choose. The letter E. Examine what you are feeling. Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? Am I hurt, angry, anxious, rejected, pressured, guilty, or overwhelmed? Naming the emotion helps you stop becoming the emotion. You can say I feel anxious without saying I am powerless. You can say I feel hurt without saying I am unloved. The letter A A is ask God for wisdom. In James 1, verse 5, it reminds us that if we lack wisdom, we can ask God. So we can pray, Lord, give me wisdom for this moment. Help me respond from peace, not pressure. Sometimes the wisest response is a calm conversation. Sometimes it is silence. Sometimes it is I need to revisit this later. Sometimes it is a boundary. So asking for wisdom helps us. And sometimes it is choosing not to enter the argument at all. And so let's go to the letter C. Choose the next right step. Not the perfect step, not the step that makes everyone happy. Is the next right step. That may be writing down what you want to say before saying it. That may be waiting until your body feels calmer. That may be deciding. I am not going to keep engaging in this cycle today. And then the letter E. Enter God's truth. After the situation, return to truth. Because difficult relationships can make you question yourself. So write a truth statement like I can be loving and still have limits. I am not responsible for managing everyone's emotions. My peace matters to God. Those truth statements may feel simple, but practiced truth becomes strength. Now we need to talk about guilt. And this is probably going to be the biggest part of this conversation. Because sometimes you finally set that boundary, and then guilt comes along, comes knocking like it pays rent. You may think, maybe I was too harsh. Maybe I should just let it go. Maybe they will think I do not care. Maybe I'm wrong for needing space. And this is where you have to learn the difference between conviction and guilt. Godly conviction leads you toward truth, repair, humility, and peace. Toxic guilt pulls you toward that fear, self-abandonment, and emotional confusion. Conviction says make that right. Guilt says ignore your needs so they are not upset. Conviction is specific. Guilt is often vague and heavy. Conviction will draw you near closer to God. But that guilt, it will make you feel like you have to earn your way back into being good. So when guilt shows up, do not immediately obey it. Get curious with it. Ask, is this guilt helping me love well? Or is it pressuring me to return to an unhealthy pattern? And remember, loving well includes you in that scenario, loving you well. So just remember that. Is God asking me to apologize, or am I trying to avoid someone's disappointment? That last question, did I sin or did I simply set a limit? That last question is so important because sometimes you did not sin. You just stopped being endlessly available. You just stop answering disrespect with over-explaining. You stop betraying your peace to keep a pattern alive. That is not sin. That is growth. Now, if God shows you that your tone was harsh, make repair. If he shows you that you need to clarify something, do that. If he shows you pride, surrender it. But do not let false guilt drag you back and to what wisdom help you step away from. I think sometimes we forget that Jesus was loving, he was compassionate and full of grace, but he was not controlled by people's demands. He had a lot of demands around him. Jesus withdrew to pray, he did not answer every accusation, he walked away from crowds. Jesus spoke truth even when people did not like it. That matters because sometimes we think being Christ-like means saying yes to everything in everyone. Now, before you go, here are three simple things you can try today. First, choose one piece protecting sentence. Something like I need time to think before I respond. I am not available for this conversation if it becomes disrespectful. Practice saying these out loud, not in a harsh way, just steady, calm, and clear. The second thing is do a five-minute journal dump. Write everything you are feeling about the difficult relationship without editing yourself. Then circle the emotion that shows up the most. That emotion is giving you information. And then, lastly, third, pray before you engage, before that call, before the visit, before the message or the conversation. Pray, Lord, help me respond from peace, not pressure. Sometimes that small prayer can shift your whole posture and pray for that person as well. So let's pause here and let's go to God and let's pray. I would love to pray over you right now. Lord, I just lift up every listener who is carrying the weight of a difficult relationship. You know where they feel drained, confused, hurt, or overwhelmed. Teach them how to love with wisdom, speak with your grace and truth, and protect the peace you have given them. Help them set healthy boundaries without guilt. Forgive without returning to harmful patterns, and hear your voice above any fear, pressure, and people pleasing. Remind them that their hurt matters to you in Jesus' name. And so, my sister, I want you to leave this episode knowing this. You can love people deeply and still protect your peace. You can forgive and still move differently. You can be kind and still have boundaries. You can pray for someone and still stop participating in the pattern. You can honor God without abandoning the heart He gave you. And maybe this is the season where you stop asking, How do I keep them from being upset? And start asking, How do I stay aligned with God's peace? Because your peace matters, your heart matters, your emotional health matters, and the way you care for yourself in difficult relationships can become part of your healing journey with God. So this week, do not just journal about the relationship, journal with God about your heart inside the relationship. Ask him what needs wisdom, what needs release. Ask God what needs a boundary. And remember, protecting your peace is not about becoming cold or mean, it's about becoming clear. It's not about loving less, it's about loving with wisdom. You are allowed to protect the peace God is building in you. You are allowed to pause, you are allowed to choose wisdom. So I just want to thank you for spending this time with me. Remember that every open journal is an invitation for God to move. Until next time, keep rising, keep journaling, and keep becoming who God made you to be.