Welcome to the Self-Love Journaling with God podcast. I'm your host, Shonda, and I am so grateful you are here with me today. This podcast is about more than just journaling, though. It's about doing the hard work with God as we learn to love ourselves the way He does one journal page and one prayer at a time. So in this episode, we are going to be talking about how to recognize when other people's opinions are shaping our confidence, our choices, and our peace. You will take with you today a practical, faith-rooted way to take fearful thoughts captive and remember that their opinion is not your identity. Today we are talking about something many of us know a little too well, the weight of other people's opinions. Not just the comments people say out loud, but the ones we replay later. That look someone might have gave us, the text message that felt a little dry, that tone in their voice, the silence after we shared something vulnerable. And before we know it, our mind starts building this whole courtroom case with very little evidence. We become the judge, the jury, the witness, the victim, and sometimes the unpaid private investigator. And listen, we can laugh a little, but it can feel exhausting because when you are sensitive, caring, thoughtful, or used to trying to keep the peace, other people's opinions can feel like they have the power to shake the ground under you. One person's approval can make you feel valuable. One person's criticism can make you question everything. One person's misunderstanding can make you spiral. And this is where we have to pause and gently ask ourselves. Have I allowed someone's opinion to become the mirror I use to see myself? Because opinions can be loud, but they are not always true. People can have a perspective, but that does not mean they have the final word. They can misunderstand you, judge you, reject you, dismiss you even, disagree with you, or underestimate you. But their opinion is not your identity. So let's talk about when approval becomes a stronghold. Let's start with one word today here, and that's approval. Now approval means acceptance, agreement, or permission. But when approval becomes unhealthy, it starts to feel like we need someone's acceptance before we can feel okay with ourselves. It sounds like I hope they like me, or I hope they aren't mad, or I hope they understand. Now those thoughts by themselves may seem small. We all care what people think sometimes. I think that is human. We were created for connection, though. We were not created to live emotionally disconnected from everyone, but there is a difference between valuing connection and needing approval to feel worthy. And this is what we're talking about today. There is a difference between receiving feedback and letting criticism rename you, right? There is a difference between being teachable and being controlled by the fear of being disliked. And for many of us, approval seeking becomes heavy because it starts quietly. It may begin with wanting to be accepted at home, at work, in friendships, in church, in relationships, or even online. Then over time, the mind learns a pattern. And so we've been talking about patterns all through this series. If they approve me, I'm safe. If they like me, I'm enough. If they are pleased with me, I can relax. That is where approval can become a stronghold. A stronghold is not just one thought, it is a thought pattern that has been practiced so often that it starts feeling like truth. And that is why our anchor scripture matters here. So our anchor scripture is Galatians 1, verse 10, and it says in the NIV, if I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Paul is speaking with boldness here. He is not saying we should be rude, uncaring, or dismissive of people. He is not giving us permission to walk around saying, I don't care what anybody thinks while secretly being mean to people. No, that is not the heart of it here. Paul is reminding us that we cannot let people's approval become our master. When pleasing people becomes the goal, we start losing touch with God's voice, our values, and our peace. We begin asking, will they like this? Before we ask, is this aligned with God? We may be asking, will they be upset? Before we ask, is this healthy? We might be asking, what will they think before we ask what is true? And so my sister, that is a tiring way to live. Let's view this from a psychological perspective here. Fear of judgment often connects to emotional safety. Our brain is designed to protect us. So if being judged, rejected, embarrassed, criticized, or misunderstood has hurt you before, your brain may try to prevent that pain from happening again. That is why overthinking can feel so convincing. Your brain says, let's replay it so we can figure it out. Let's predict what they think so we can prepare. Let's change ourselves so we won't be rejected. At first, this may look like wisdom, but underneath it may actually be fear. And fear can make us shrink. Fear can make us edit our personality, it can make us apologize when we did nothing wrong. It can make us stay quiet when God is calling us to speak. But real peace does not come from managing everybody's opinion. Real peace comes from being anchored in God's truth. That is why 2 Corinthians 10 5 is so powerful. And this is our anchor scripture for this entire series. So in the NIV version, it tells us to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. That means we do not have to believe every thought that enters our mind. We do not have to bow to every fear. We do not have to let every imagined judgment become our emotional truth. So taking thoughts captive means we pause and ask, is this thought from truth or fear? Is this thought helping me obey God or helping me please people? And we really do need these type of check-ins or these reality checks to kind of help us. That pause is powerful because sometimes the healing starts between the thought and the reaction. So what does God say about this issue? God does not call us to build our identity on the unstable foundation of people's opinions. People change, moods change, preferences change, trends change. Even people who love us can misunderstand us, but God's truth is steady. God does not look at you through the lens of one awkward moment, one mistake, one criticism, one rejection, or one season where you did not feel like your best self. God sees the whole story. And he is not confused about who you are. So when someone's words cut deep, we can bring those words to God instead of letting them become labels in our lives. Someone might say you're too sensitive. God may be teaching you how to be wise with your heart. Someone may say you change. God may be healing you from patterns they benefited from. Think about that. Someone may misunderstand your boundary. God may be strengthening your courage. That is why we need discernment. Not every opinion deserves access to your identity. Some feedback is helpful. Some feedback is loving. Some feedback is wise. We should be humble enough to learn. Not every opinion deserves access to your identity. But some opinions are projections, preferences, misunderstandings, wounds, or control dressed up like advice. And you do need God's truth to help you know that difference. And so why does this matter for our self-love walk? Well, this matters deeply for us because self-love is not just about feeling good about yourself. And I'm sure we have talked a little bit about this. It is about learning to treat yourself with the same grace, care, patience, and truth that God extends to you. And if your worth rises and falls based on how people respond to you, you will feel emotionally tossed around. One good comment, you feel confident. One bad comment, you might feel crushed. One invitation, you feel included. One silence, you feel forgotten. That is not stability. That is emotional survival. God wants more for you and me than survival. He wants us rooted. He wants us free. He wants us able to say, I can receive feedback without becoming shamed. I can be misunderstood without abandoning myself. That is hard work right there. So let's look at David here for a moment. Before David became king, before he stood before Goliath, before people sang songs about him, he was the youngest son out in the field caring for sheep. Now in 1 Samuel 16, the prophet Samuel came to Jesse's house because God had chosen one of Jesse's sons to be king. And I'm sure we all know this story. Jesse brought the sons forward, and David was not even originally included in the lineup. Now pause there. Have you ever felt like that? Like others did not see you, like you were overlooked, like people assumed you were not the one, like your gifts were hidden in the background while everyone else seemed more obvious. But God saw David. He wasn't in that lineup, but God saw him. Now in 1 Samuel 16, verse 7, it says here in the King James Version, for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. That verse is such a beautiful reminder for us. People often judge by what they can see with their physical eyes. God sees what they cannot. People saw birth order. God saw a king. People saw a shepherd boy, and God saw courage. People saw something too young, and God saw someone prepared in private. Then later, when David went to the battlefield and heard Goliath mocking Israel, David was willing to fight. But even then his brother Eliab criticized him. Eliab questioned David's motives and basically accused him of being prideful and nosy. David was misjudged by someone close to him. And yet David did not let that opinion stop his obedience. That part matters because sometimes the opinions that hurt the most come from the people we hoped would understand us. David could have stopped right there. He could have said, Maybe my brother is right. He could have shrunk back, he could have just gone home, and he could have let criticism decide his calling. But he kept moving toward what God placed before him. And so my sister, do not let someone's limited view of you make you abandon what God is building in you. People may see your field season, but God sees your formation. People may see your current place, but God sees your purpose. They may question your confidence, but God knows what courage He has been growing in private in you. So how do we apply this right now in this season? Let's make this practical. How do we stop letting opinions define us? The next time someone's opinion hits D, I want you to slow down before you spiral. I know easier said than done because sometimes that comment gets in your chest. You feel it in your stomach, your shoulders tighten, your mind starts running. But instead of letting the thought drag you into overthinking, I just want you to pause and say, this is a thought, this is a feeling, this is not my identity. That one sentence can create space. Then ask yourself, what exactly am I afraid they think about me? Name it clearly, not vaguely, not just they don't like me. Go deeper. Are you afraid they think you are selfish, too emotional, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough? Behind many people pleasing patterns is a fear-based identity statement. And when we name the fear, we can bring it into the light. Then compare it to truth. This is where 2 Corinthians 10 5 comes in. We take the thought captive, not cuddle it, not decorate it, not build a house around it. We take it captive and make it obedient to Christ. So if the thought says they are disappointed, so I must have failed, truth may say I can learn without labeling myself a failure. I remember moments where I had to learn this in small ways. Maybe I shared something, made a decision, or set a boundary, and afterward I found myself wondering, did I say that right? Did they take it wrong? Are they upset with me? And that mental replay, it can feel like you are trying to protect the relationship. But sometimes it is really fear asking for control. I had to learn to pause and remind myself, I can be kind without overexplaining. I can be loving without performing. I can care without caring, responsibility for everybody's reaction. And so, my sister, that is freedom right there. Not careless freedom, not prideful freedom, peaceful freedom. The kind where your heart says, God, help me be humble where I need correction, but strong where I need courage. Now let's move into this journaling practice. This is where I really want to take the conversation from the ears to the heart. So I want you to grab your journal if you have it nearby, and if you're driving, you're walking, just let these words sit with you. You can always come back later. So I want you to take a slow breath in and release it. Let your shoulders drop if you can. And so here is our journaling prompt. What opinion, criticism, or fear of judgment have I been carrying as if it defines me? And what does God's truth say instead? Let's make this practical. You can write it in three lines. Line number one. The opinion or fear I have been carrying is. The next line you can say, the identity message I started believing is God's truth over me is. And so here's some examples I want you to kind of think about on this. The opinion or fear I have been carrying is that people will think I'm selfish if I say no. The identity message I started believing is that I have to be available to be loved. Now pause here. Take about 20 seconds and let your heart search honestly. What have you been carrying? Is it a comment, a rejection, a fear, a voice from the past, a pressure to be who others expect? Write it down if you can. Now ask yourself, is this opinion aligned with God's truth or has it become louder than God's voice? Pause here. Take your time. And so, my friend, I want you to remember this healthy perspective. As an opinion can inform you, but it should not define you. Feedback may help you grow, but fear should not lead your life. And when God gives you truth, you are allowed to practice believing it before it feels natural. And so, my sister, I just want to celebrate you for showing up for this conversation. Because this kind of hard work is not always easy. It takes courage to admit I have been letting other people's opinions affect me more than I realize. It takes honesty to say I have been overthinking because I want to be accepted. It takes strength to recognize I have been shrinking because I am afraid of being judged. But awareness. Awareness is not failure. Awareness is the beginning of freedom. You are human, you are healing. You are learning to let God's voice become the loudest in your inner life. And so, my sister, if this episode met you right where you are, I would love for you to stay connected. I would love for you to stay connected with my self-love family through my weekly newsletter. Each week I share encouragement and practical journaling prompts to help you keep doing this hard work with God. Because sometimes we need steady reminders that we are not healing alone. So let me take this moment and I just want to pray over you right here. Father God, I just pray over my sisters listening right now. Help her release the weight of opinions that were never meant to define her. Teach her to take every fearful thought captive and bring it under the truth of Christ. When people's words feel loud, remind her that your voice is steady, loving, and true. Give her courage to live for your approval, not the pressure of pleasing everyone around her. Anchor her identity, Father, in you. In Jesus' name, amen. Alright, my sisters, I just want to take a moment to just thank you for listening. And be sure to follow this podcast. And I just want to thank you for spending this time with me. Remember, every open journal is an invitation for God to move. Until next time, keep rising, keep journaling, and keep becoming who God made you to be.