Hello, God's beauties, and welcome back to the Self-Love Journaling with God podcast. I'm your host, Shonda, and I am so grateful you are here with me today. Now, this podcast is about more than just journaling, it's about doing the heart work with God as we heal, as we grow, and learn to love ourselves the way God does. One journaling page and one prayer at a time. And so, my sister, this is part three of our series where we are talking about shame. Now, in episode one, we talked about the difference between shame and conviction. And then in episode two, I started talking about how shame tries to name you with labels God never gave you. And so today we're going one layer deeper because once shame convinces you that something is wrong with you, the next thing it usually tries to do is to make you hide. Now let me make clear about what shame is here for a moment. Shame is that deep, heavy feeling that tells you not just that you did something wrong, but that something is wrong with you. That is what we're talking about here. It is the voice that says you should be embarrassed, you should stay quiet, you should pull back, you should hide. And when I say hide, I am talking about things like withdrawing or covering up, pulling away, shrinking back, going quiet, or keeping parts of yourself tucked out of sight. In plain English here, shame makes you feel like you need to cover up parts of yourself because you are afraid of being seen or being rejected or even judged. And the hard part is hiding does not always look obvious. Sometimes it is physical, but a lot of times it is emotional, sometimes spiritual, sometimes relational. Sometimes shame makes you pull back from God, and sometimes it makes you keep people at a distance, it makes you silence your own voice, and sometimes it makes you step away from the very healing you need most. So today we're talking about what happens when shame makes you pull back, pull back from God, from people, from your purpose, and even from your own healing. Because shame it rarely shelf hide. A lot of times it whispers it. And that is exactly where we're starting today. So my sister, have you ever noticed how shame rarely says go get help? It usually says be quiet, keep this to yourself, don't let anyone know, act normal, smile through it, just get it together on your own. And the hard part is hiding can look so normal. You could still go to work, still answer texts, still show up at church, still post something encouraging, still help everybody else. And yet inside a part of you is tucked away in the shadows thinking, if people really knew what I'm struggling with, they would look at me differently. That's what shame does. It doesn't just want you hurting, it wants you hurting alone. So I want you to take a slow breath with me, inhale for a moment, and exhale, and ask yourself gently, where have I been hiding lately? So let's go to the word here. Let's talk about Peter today. After Peter denied Jesus three times, imagine the weight of that moment for him. This was Peter, the outspoken one, the devoted one, the one who said he would never leave Jesus. And then under pressure, fear took over, and he did the very thing he thought he never would. Now Luke twenty two verses sixty one and sixty two it says and the Lord turned and looked upon Peter, and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him Before the cock crow thou shalt deny me thrice. And Peter went out and wept bitterly. Wow, that was not just sorrow, that was heartbreak. That was failure hitting him in the chest all at once. And then later in John 21, which is my favorite passage here about redemption, Peter goes back to fishing. Jesus had risen, but Peter still seemed unsure of himself. It's almost like he drifted back to something familiar, something safer, something quieter. A quick personal moment here. There have been times in my own life when I knew God was still calling me forward, but internally I felt embarrassed by my own struggles. I didn't always want to say that out loud. I wasn't trying to run from God completely, but I was definitely pulling back. And sometimes shame looks exactly like that. Still nearby, but not fully open. But Jesus goes looking for Peter, and that matters. So let's kind of make this more plainer here. When I say shame makes you hide, I'm meaning that shame convinces us that being fully seen is dangerous. It can tell us if they see the real you, they'll reject you. If God sees this part of you, he'll be disappointed. If you admit where you are, it will be too humiliating. And so my sister, hiding is not always obvious. Can look like isolation. Sometimes it looks like overworking, like joking all the time so nobody asks real questions, like staying surface level in every conversation. Sometimes it can even look spiritual. I'm just praying about it. But really, you are avoiding honesty. Here's what hide means in this context. It means you start covering the places that feel too tender or too flawed or sensitive, too exposed or too messy to bring into the light. And that's exactly why shame is so dangerous. It keeps you from being who God has called you to be. The real you. Shame creates withdrawal. When you feel ashamed, your system often wants to pull back to avoid more pain. And we see that all the time. That's not because you're weak, that's because shame makes connection feels risky. Your brain starts reading exposure as danger. That's why we can tend to hide or to shrink. So you might withdraw from conversations, you might avoid eye contact, pull back from prayer, maybe, stop asking for help, keep things vague. You might numb out with scrolling or sleeping, overeating, or staying busy. Why? Because shame says if I stay small and unseen, maybe I can protect myself. But there's the catch. The same hiding that feels protective can also become a prison. You end up lonely, misunderstood, and exhausted because you're carrying something heavy without letting truth touch it. That's why shame feels so intimate and painful for us. It doesn't just attack what happened, it attacks your willingness to be known for people to get the opportunity to love you or to get close to you. And that's what shame does. Now let's bring this back to God here. Jesus does not shame Peter into silence. He restores him through relationship. So in John 21, Jesus meets Peter after the resurrection and asks him three times, Lovest thou me? I love this. That is not Jesus humiliating him. That is Jesus restoring the place where Peter felt broken. Jesus meets him in the exact place shame would have told Peter to avoid. And so my sister, that is still God's heart toward us, you and me. God is not standing far off, folding his arms, waiting for you to become less messy before he comes near. He comes near because he already knows healing happens in closeness. So why this matters for us on our self-love journey walk? Because shame will have you calling it privacy when it's really fear. It will have you saying, I'm fine, I'm just tired, I'll deal with it later, I don't want to burden anybody. It's not that serious. But inwardly, you're carrying a quiet ache. And when shame leaves your life, you stop giving yourself the gift of honest care. Biblical self-love is not pretending you don't need help. We all need help at some point. It's letting God love you in the places you'd rather hide. It's saying, I'm still worthy of support. I'm still worthy of gentleness. I'm still worthy of truth. I do not have to disappear because I am struggling. That's what it's saying. So here's our anchor scripture for today. Coming from Psalm 34, verse 5, it says, They looked unto him and were lightened, and their faces were not ashamed. I love this verse. It doesn't say they fixed everything first. It doesn't say they hid until they felt presentable. It says they looked unto him. That means the movement that breaks shame is not away from God, is actually toward him. Shame says, turn away. God says, look at me. So how do we apply this in our walk today? When you notice yourself hiding, I want you to ask yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I'm honest? That question can open up a lot. Maybe you're afraid of judgment, afraid of disappointing people, afraid your feelings are too much, or afraid that if you really let yourself be seen, you'll cry. And sometimes that alone feels like a whole event. But my sister, hiding is costly. And I'll say this if we keep pretending we're okay when we're not, eventually our soul gets tired. So here's a practical way to live this out. So I want you to choose one place to stop hiding this week. Not with everybody, not all at once, not in a dramatic spill your whole life to the room kind of way. Just one honest step. Maybe it's telling God the real truth in prayer. Maybe it's texting one trusted friend, can you pray for me? I'm having a hard week. Maybe it's admitting I've been more affected than I wanted to admit. Maybe it's saying I need support. And then weave in this Psalm 34 5 right into that moment which says again, they looked unto him and were lightened, and their faces were not ashamed. Look into God is not weakness, it is the beginning of release. And this is why journaling matters so much here. Because journaling gives hidden things somewhere safe to come into the light. So let's ease into that really gently here. I want you to grab your journal, relax your shoulders, take one deep breath here, and let's write from a place of honesty, not performance. So at the top of your journal page, I want you to write this. God, where have I been hiding? Now here is your one clear journaling prompt. What part of me have I been hiding? And what would it look like to bring that part honestly before God this week? And if you need an example, it could sound like this. I've been hiding how discouraged I feel. I keep acting like I'm okay, but I'm tired and disappointed. Bringing it before God this week would look like telling the truth in prayer instead of trying to sound strong. Keep writing. Maybe name what you're hiding, why you've been hiding it, what you fear, what honest connection with God could look like. And here's the healthy perspective I want to leave with you during this journaling time. Being honest does not make you weak, it makes you available for healing. It allows and is inviting God in to help you in this moment or in that moment. So here's the action step I want you to consider this week. One honest step. And sometimes maybe it's so painful we don't want to talk about it. But talking about it is where healing begins. So I want you to choose one small specific act of honesty. For example, maybe before going to bed, pray for two minutes and say one thing exactly as it is. God, I feel ashamed about this. Or God, I've been hiding, or God, I need help. And that's it. No fancy words here, no polished prayer voice, just truth. For example, if you've been hiding, you're overwhelmed. Your step might be texting a trusted person. Hey, I don't need you to fix this. I just need prayer and honesty. I've been caring a lot. One honest step can break a lot of silence. So, my friend, if shame has had you hiding, I want you to hear me here. You are not beyond restoration. You are not too messy to be met by God. He wants to come in and work on your behalf. You are not disqualified because you've been quiet, guarded, or free. Peter hid in his grief and failure. But Jesus still came close. And he opened the door for Peter to walk in for that restoration. But Peter had to walk in it, just like you and me. And if all you do this week is stop pretending with God for one real moment, that is holy progress. I am proud of you for showing up. I am proud of you for letting truth come near. And I'm proud of you for not running past this hard work here. And before we close, let me just pray over the part of you that has been hiding because God's love knows how to reach tender places without crushing them. So, Father God, I lift up your daughter here to you right now. You see the parts of her heart that have been tucked away in silence. Fear, embarrassment, and pain. You know where shame has convinced her to hide, to stay surface level or to pull back from the very closeness she needs. I pray that you would gently draw her near and remind her of your word. They looked unto him and were enlightened, and their faces were not ashamed. Let Psalm thirty four five become real in her life, Lord, this week. Give her courage for one honest step and help her bring into the light what she has been carrying along. Remind her that honesty with you is not rejection waiting to happen. It is healing beginning. In Jesus' name, amen. And so my sister, before you hop off, if you are in a healing season working on self-love or learning how to journal with God, go ahead and follow this podcast so you don't have to hunt for it every week. And if you get an opportunity, comment. Let me know how this is impacting your walk. And if you want a little weekly boost, join my self-love newsletter. It really is like a warm note from me to you every week. So I just want to thank you for spending this time with me. You could check everything out in the show notes to stay connected. Remember, every open journal is an invitation for God to move. Until next time, keep rising, keep journaling, and keep becoming who God made you to be.